I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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