I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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