Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
