He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
be right there i have to get my cape
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
