I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
