Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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