im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
