Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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