So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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