i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
