i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
