Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
