Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
