Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
