I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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