Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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