If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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