The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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