Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
