I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
