So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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