i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
