cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
