By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
