there's paper in my vomit.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
