Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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