How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
