Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
