I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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