so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
