im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well you can't waste a boner
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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