she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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