the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
