Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
