One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
