talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
