I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
