I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
