Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
