I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
