the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
