nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
