i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
