Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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