C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Randomize
