im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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