I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
