Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
