so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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