So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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