Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
