Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
