My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
