So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
