my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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