i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she peed on how many people?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize