Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How many fucks given?
0.12846
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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