He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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