HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
