Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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