The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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