I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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