I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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