i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
