If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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