I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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