The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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