You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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