just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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